Here's how I do my friends cut:

comment on this entry, and you won't be cut. After two days, I cut everybody who didn't comment. The way I see it, if you miss this entry, you can comment to be added again. And if you don't care or don't read, then you won't miss anything. :-)

Feelin': chipper

I'm done.

Delete this journal and all of mine. Because I'm done.





And P.S. shut the fuck up.

Feelin': pissed off

*cries* one last time, I am going to try and write this entry. I am about toi throw this comp out the window.

It won't let me s delete one letter when I backspace. Instead, it deletes the whole entry. And I;'m about to cry. So forgive the typos. I'm going to try and do this as good as I can.

And it won't let me press enter either.

Ugh, this is hard. I have to keep my fingers away from the backspace button. Because if I lose this entry, I will s kill someone.

anway, *anyway, I want to get a business degree. Yeah, I think I want to own a bookstore. That would be cool. Okay, I can't write too much more cause I'm getting faster and I know I'll make an error, then try to backlspace and then I'll lose this entry. See that? when I made that typo, I had to stop and think about not backspacing. This is too hard. Ugh.

I might go take an hour and a half nap before work. I can't believe I got ropped into working a douvle *double.

HIM (12:36:39 AM): balls
ME (12:36:44 AM): pussy
HIM (12:37:23 AM): cock
ME (12:37:48 AM): clit
HIM (12:37:59 AM): let me lick it

hahahaha.

now we're talking on the phone, with him typing on AIM and me talking on the phone. it's weird.

Feelin': excited

Yay for Thursdays.

I can't believe I'm still up. I'm such a loser.

Bob Evans can still burn down, if someone would be gracious enough to grant me that small favor.

I'm thinking about transfering to the Frederick Bob Evans. So I could just get dropped off on my mom's way to work. it might actually work, if they need daytime people. :-P

Okay seriously, bed time.

Feelin': sleepy

Two tests.

Both negative.

Now, I'm just waiting for my period to make sure.

Feelin': relieved...still a bit worried

I'm a slacker. Hahaha. But we knew that right?

I have the Bob's Christmas party tonight, then work until God knows when.

Feelin': amused

So I told Bryan that we could go shopping right around noon yesterday. I was gonna get up at 11:45 (but then decided on 11:30 so I could take a shower). At like 11:25, I wake up to a POUNDING on my door. I wake up really fast and am slightly aware of my nudity. So I pull on some pants, not really noticing that I don't have a shirt on either.

I open the door to Sam (his girlfriend) and Bryan standing there and Sam's like, "Naked much?" Hahaha... I was wearing a bra, I promise. I was like, "It's definitely not 11:30" (cause I no clue what time it was when she told me that it was). And RIGHT THEN, my alarm started going off and I was like, "now it is." hahahaha.

So I let them in and got a shirt on. We went shopping (I finished what I'm getting everybody before Christmas) and we went to lunch in Westminster mall. It was pretty fun.

So Andrew Barnes is on his way to Sykesville and that's cool.

Anyway, I got down with my work right around midnight last night. I had to close bussing, which I haven't done in a long time. It's been like three weeks, so I was kinda happy to do the floors. I sorta missed it. As dumb as that is.

When I was done, I was sitting in a booth with some other people, waiting for Jamey to get done so that she could take me home. I'm looking through my purse and guess what. I don't have my key to my house. I'm searching through it and it's definitely not there.

So I called Katie. Asked if I could crash there. Due to parental situation, that was a no-go. I called Bryan then, but his phone was being retarded or something. I finally talked to him when he called Bob Evans from Sam's phone. He was all like, "Sam's gonna pick you up on her way home."

So I spent the night sleeping on Sam's bed while she insisted on taking the floor. lol. I def would have been okay with the floor, you loser. Anyway, I called my mom and on the way to work from Anapolis (she was at Buddy's last night), she unlocked the door so I could get in. I hope she didn't see her presents, as they were laying right on the floor, in Wal-Mart bags. Oops.

So Sam dropped me off before her Chemistry exam. Now I think I'm gonna try and go back to sleep for a little bit.

:-/ Still nothing. I'm gonna scream by Thursday.

EDIT: ( cause I'm lame and couldn't resist )

Feelin': worried

nine a.m to midnight.
with an hour and a half break.

I am so tired right now.

Feelin': exhausted

So I love hanging out.


And impromptu meetings with friends. :-D






My house is a fucking disaster. So I must clean.

Feelin': bouncy

tagged by theyellowducky

Ground rules:
The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "Five Weird Habits of Yourself" and the people who get tagged need to then write a LJ entry about their five quirky little habits as well as state the rules of this game clearly. At the end, you need to list the next five people who you want to tag.

The weird habits:
01. I don't like doing things in odd numbers. Haha... but my favorite number is odd.
02. I go after things that I don't want and wait for things that I do to come to me.
03. I play matchmaker without even realizing it.
04. I start conversations like without saying "hi, how are you?" I generally just launch into it.
05. When I'm hyper, I switch topics like mad crazy. lol. Normal people can't follow me very well.

Tagging: Ashley, Iron Mike, Rookie, Amanda, and Katie...... (cause I don't feel like writing their user names)

on a random note- this is for you Alex, cause you're not online right now. You may not understand it, but I DO:

ta mere...

btw- this new icon = HELL YES! Hahaha... I crack up whenever I see it.

Feelin': easily amused...

I just took a bit of pumpkin pie and almost threw up. :-/ Not so good.

Carroll County schools got a two-hour delay. Suckers. :-P

I'm going back to bed. I'm still tired from being up until like four last night. lol. I am dumb.

I'm going to see the guardies tomorrow cause they have an Indoor practice. They miss me, apparently... hehe. So I have to make some kind of appearence. Oh yeah, and for any guardie reading this--- STOP THE DRAMA!! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO KICK YOUR ASS NOW THAT I'M NOT IN GUARD ANYMORE. I'LL DO IT. SO STOP THE SHIT!!!

Did that sound violent to anyone but me? :-D

So the weirdness of the dreams has definitely not stopped. *shrugs* I don't know what the deal is. Last night I had a dream that I convinced the guy I was having sex with to not wear a condom so that I could get pregnant. I'm not sure I'd ever do that (okay- I'm definitely sure that I wouldn't). It felt so real though... in my dreams, having a child means more to me than anything else.

Feelin': hmmm...

HAHAHAHAHA.

this entry: http://www.livejournal.com/users/secret__desires/9981.html

I just spent the last hour reading all over those comments. Ahh, I love you guys.

I definitely suggest people doing this. I will spam you.

oh yeah... side boredom.

In Jail with your LJ Friends. LiveJournal Username Worst crime you have done: Do you consider yourself a criminal? Yeah I am...so what?Umm...of course not.Does killing the neighbor count?Where the hell is my lawyer!?YesNo Killed all the members of their family. music87654321 Raped a worm and gave an old lady a heart attack. lykshweetdood Was arrested for being with the minor next door. angelofdawn Became violent at a pieceofmysoul The person you robbed the bank with. angelofdawn How much money you stole. $892 Your jail guard. pitapillar How criminal are you? 90% Fun Quizzes by Ashley at BlogQuiz.Net

Virgo Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

Feelin': tired

I called Christina. And I felt so much better after we talked. And the reality of it was that we didn't even really talk for that long... 20 minutes at most. But after we hung up, I felt so much better. I cried on the phone and she didn't seem to mind. She comforted me, as much as she could. I would like to build up a friendship with her again, even if we don't become "best friends." She's a big part of my life.

Work was okay. I got pissy at the end. Which is why I ended up calling Christina. The Christmas party is next Tuesday. Yay.

And......

time for sleep? well, if dumber gets online and Katie gets her ass up, I'll stay up for a bit. Buuuut if they don't, I'm SOL and I'll just turn in early tonight.

Hey, pass some courage over here. I really really need it.

Feelin': contemplative

He finally won. It was worth it though. lol.

I'm still up... WHY? I need to fucking sleep.

Maybe now is a good time... oh btw, I think I got my period... early! which means that God loves me again.

Feelin': amused

So every time I light a cigarette, I smoke it once. Just one inhale and then I look at it and I'm like, "why am I smoking? I don't like it..." And then I put the cigarette out. That actually just happened.

Why do I stay up this late? I'm all reeved up... and nowhere to go. I want to have someone that I can go out with this late at night. Or have already been out and all my energy is gone so I'm tired.

I'm gonna go.. play with my camera, clean, and read my book. :-) I actually don't want to sleep tonight, haha.

Feelin': awake

I gave 40 bucks last night to a funding for kids who aren't going to have a Christmas. It was really awkward though. Most people at work were digging through their aprons and handed like three or four dollars and I went into the back got my purse and took out two 20s. When they all felt guilty (which they definitely shouldn't have... it's all about giving what you can spare), I just told them- I can relate. I was homeless for three months. I know what that's like. I felt really good knowing that my money was going to help some kids have a Christmas. If I don't need the other 20 that's in my wallet, I'll give that to them too.

I was inspired to write last night. For a brief thrity minutes, I wrote viciously. Then I felt too tired to continue. Now I have lost that inspiration. Oh well. It was nice while it lasted.

I keep having such crazy dreams... ones that you guys just wouldn't understand. I don't understand them. If you're someone that freaked out by one of my last posts about having a child, then don't read these dreams.

( they feel so real sometimes )

Time to go read the books I bought last night and eat the ice cream that's half gone already. :-)

Feelin': confused

Amount of paycheck: $74
Where it's going: Christmas shopping?

I found out who my secret Santa is... Sam, I need your help, cause I don't know what to get Rose (who, lol, is my secet santa...haha).

You college kids, hope you do well on your finals this week! :-P

Night.

Feelin': cranky

Thank you for taking me to work, Bryan.

It was a good day. I was happy. Heath, a grill line cook, is gorgeous! I wanna eat him with a spoon! Can I? Can I? :-D

good night lovelies. I promise to read entries either tomorrow or Monday morning. :-)

Feelin': sleepy

So... I work tonight. From five to close. Yes, Darren will make me close. Because I'm apparently the only one who does it right. Whatever. Teach the other people!

Anyway, I work tomorrow morning as a hostess for Elizabeth. Then tomorrow night, I work my own shift as a busser. Sunday morning, I of course work. It's gonna suck ass, too, cause Chris called out for the whole weekend. So I'll be bussing basically alone on a Sunday morning. Ugh. No good. Then Sunday night, I work again.

Which basically means I will be working straight through the entire weekend, starting at 5 tonight and going to around 11:30pm Sunday night. Yay.... *kills self*

( oh yeah... )

Katie is coming over. Yay. Well... I don't know when she's coming over. If she's not here by 12:30, I'm gonna take a nap. I'm getting as much sleep as possible. I hope she comes over. Cause I'll take Kilroy-time over sleepy-time any day.

Feelin': hopeful

comment if you're worried about me. I'm curious. Cause apparently there's shitloads of people out there that are genuinely worried about me.

So... let me know. And why. Definitely include specifically why you're worried.

Feelin': curious

HAHA.

HIM(3:17:08 AM): do you want to have phone sex?
ME(3:17:48 AM): are you still drunk?

*sigh* Guys... I don't understand them. He already knows the answer to the question. I'm not into that. He knows that. He's asked... probably a million times, I'm pretty sure. The answer will always be no. When he's drunk, he likes to ask every five minutes.

Alright, I need to go write. Release some of the tension. I've been in a writing mood lately, it's sort of odd. Most of you know how I get when I write. Prepare. It might be a total meltdown.

Feelin': excited

Time to blast some loud ass fucking music and take a shower. I am so in the mood to sing. :-)

Just got home from work and it went okay. Morgan's pissed, because I got mad at her. Wanna know why I was mad? Cause I had to finish her job. Tell me I didn't have a reasonable excuse to be a little pissy.

I'm gonna call Wal-Mart and Kohl's tomorrow to follow-up on those applications. Right now, I just need a daytime job.

night :-*

Feelin': amused

I'm tired and every time I breathe, I have this ache in my chest. Do you think that's bad?

Feelin': sleepy

I don't want to think. Just kiss me.

Feelin': restless

I hate waiting. I am impatient. And he always makes me wait.





So I have this friend. And we're fighting. Well... it's more like, circumstances are keeping us from being friends. But those cicumstances kind of evaporated... let's just say, they're no longer a problem. My friend is not answering my emails, and also talking on the phone with them is awkward. I do not like the uneasy feeling I get. But thing is... I would do almost anything to be friends again. And they said the same thing waaaaay back in August (yes, this situation has been dwelling on itself for a very long time). In fact, the exact words were, "You were a good friend. I would like to be friends again." Have things changed?

I don't like this. I don't like it at all.

Feelin': annoyed

Dear Santa...

What I really, really would like for Christmas is:
1. Bob Evans (located in Eldersburg off Liberty Rd.)to burn to the ground.

If you could do that for me, I'd really apprecitate it. I promise to be extra good next year!

Yours truly,
A pissed off Bob Evans employee

Feelin': I can't even see straight...

I don't want to have a child right now. It's just that, I've always said that I didn't want kids. I mean, I've never really wanted any. SO it surprised me to realize that I did actually want children.

Not now... eventually, perhaps.

Off to work! :-*

Feelin': flirty

So, my mom's boyfriend just IMed me. And I was getting really sick and tired of him IMing me. This is the third time he's done it and I told him politely before that if Mom wants to talk to him, she'll IM.

So when he IMed me again just like five minutes ago, I got pissed off. And I yelled at him. Then he called me a bitch and told me to get my own screen name. Little did he know that it was my screen name. I called him a fucker and blocked him. I told my mom that she's not allowed to date somebody who wouldn't understand simple instructions like "Don't IM me, she'll IM you."

GRRR. Now, it's really time for my nap.

Feelin': stupid fucker...

Ugh.

I'm going back to bed.

Feelin': tired

I will fall asleep tonight, feeling safe in the illusion of your arms. And when I wake up... I will ache to feel your body close to mine.

good night. and I pray that you will keep your word.

Feelin': contemplative

Lately, since the near miss, I've been thinking...

I really want to have a child.

Feelin': hmmm...

This week's paycheck: $93
What I get: $33
Where the rest is going: $60 to landline phone bill and DSL.

Off to apply to those jobs! :-*

Feelin': cheerful

Work schedule:

Monday- 4 to close
Tuesday- 5 to close
Wednesday- 5 to close
Thursday- OFF
Friday- OFF (technically... but I'll probably go in if they need me)
Saturday- 4 to close
Sunday- 9 to 3, then 5 to close

Well, shit. That's a lot of hours. :-) Yay.

Applying to Wal-Mart and Safeway today, hopefully.

Feelin': tired

Awww... I haven't had a cigarette since last night at 2. Hooray!! And I can't find them.... hmmmmm. Maybe Mom stole them, that's entirely possible.

I still have not emailed that boy back... I'm gonna go do that! :-D

Update coming later, promise.

EDIT: Emailed him back. *sigh* he's adorable.

Oh my god. I have had a crush on this guy since the beginning of school... that's THREE MONTHS I have drooled over this guy, thinking that it wasn't anything at all on his part. Ahh, of course, I hoped. But setting myself up for failure isn't a good idea.

ANYWAY, I gave him something really personal. It was two notebooks. And he knew that they meant to me. Inside of the cover of the first one, I wrote my number, screen name, and email address.

You wanna know something? I honestly did not expect him to even use them. In fact, I didn't even think I'd ever see him again after I gave him the notebooks. I didn't have time to talk then, so I let him look through it on his own. He must have found the info because I got an email today from him! AND, he IMed me, left a message while I was at work. I was about to scream... :-D

Onto something even more exciting, he told me that he loved me. A friend of mine, a very good friend, told me that he loved me. And it didn't occur to me to ask in which way he meant it. I still don't know. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that he finally said it, even though I know he's felt it for a while... it took the news of my leaving school for him to finally express it.

Applying for jobs tomorrow as I got caught up with things at the school.... AND GUESS WHO HAS OFF EVERY THURSDAY FROM NOW ON!!! :-D YAY! (for those of you not aware, that's really the only day I wanted off, anyway.) Technically, I have off on Fridays, but I'm gonna go in. Darren loves me too much to refuse me more hours. HAHA.

Okay, I gotta get some sleep. Busy day tomorrow, applications, etc. THIS IS GOOD. I am so happy right now, with everything and everyone. (actually, someone did royally piss me off at work today, but she definitely is getting what she deserves, so I'm over it.)

I'm not staying up all night tonight, unless I can't sleep. so good night Alex! :-*

Feelin': happy, but drained...

myspace is down.... hahaha, losers.

I'd seriously cry if livejournal was down. Actually, it's getting me a bit teary-eyed right now... *sniff*

Anyway, I got a new purse. I found it in my room and I was like, "I've never seen this before. Hmm..." And it's cute. So I decided to switch purses for a while.

Stop everything.
start it all over.
remember more than you'd like to forget.

Drop eveything.
start it all over.
remember more than you'd like to forget.

Seriously, I'm done now. Until, I get back from the school, at least.

Feelin': cheerful

In less than two hours, I will be a high school dropout. I'm excited.

The next time I see that guy at Safeway, I'm fucking giving him my number. God, he was hot. And nice, too. He definitely was interested. Guys are easy to read.

UGH. I have not slept so far tonight. That is not good news. I am getting back into my summer sleeping pattern. *sigh* Work will cure this habit.

I'm applying to a few different places for a daytime job. I'd go nuts with nothing to do. So three or four days a week, I'll work a shift at my day job and then at Bob's. Heh, I haven't really decided what days to work at Bob's. I could potentially work 7 days/week. Lots of money, definitely. I think I want Thursday off, but it depends on them.

Cause I'm a wishful thinker... with the worst intentions.

To Do Today:
1. Get officially withdraw from CHS. (appointment @ 7:30am)
2. Cash paycheck from Bob's at bank.
3. Apply at Wal-Mart and Safeway as a CASHIER.
4. Buy a new lighter.

To Do Tomorrow:
1. Resolve ALL school conflicts.
2. Figure out if I'm working or not... *shrugs*
3. If not, surprise! (but don't spoil it...)

I love you.
What more is there to say?
Maybe someday.
Maybe never.
I don't know what'll happen.

I hate leaving a cigarette unattended. Why? Well, one I could burn the house down. But two, and most important of course, is that I forget that it's there. So I either, go to light another one or simply forget about it altogether. So it burns all the way down. It annoys the hell out of me.

OMG.





I can't go to prom.............

ew, one minor drawback of this whole dropping out thing. I mean, it's not that big of a deal, but I guess I might regret it later on in my life....

Not worth staying in school, though. I'll quickly get over it.

Okay, well off to take a shower!

Feelin': content

tagged by confetti (best username ever because it's like she's throwing a party!!)

Name 5 of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick 5 people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used. Tag 5 people on your list.

1. Having no lights on and living by candlelight.
2. Singing at the top of your lungs (even when there's people in the house to listen).
3. Changing topics at random, intentionally or otherwise.
4. Talking with an old friend about the first time you talked.
5. Knowing I put a smile on someone's face.

I tag...

anybody who was a friend of my very first livejournal, wickedwiccan88

I think I tagged like four people. Hey, comment if you were one of the original people. Cause I wanna see how many are left....

Feelin': amused

1. Dropping out of high school completely (that means, not going back).
2. Getting my GED by the fall
to...
3. Start Carroll Community College.

A YEAR EARLY.

This is what I need. I can help out with the finances. I can be RID of high school. And I can start being an adult when I am actually a legal adult, not a year after.

It's already in the motions. In fact, I think TOMORROW I might be completely "dropped out" and I can finally get on with my life... away from that god damn place.

Let nothing stand in my way. I will RUN YOU OVER.

Feelin': hopeful

I wonder, as I sit here thinking of you, do you miss me? Do you miss my laugh? My smile? Do you miss my tears? When you think of me, out of the blue, do you smile? Are your memories of me good ones?

Who remembers that post?


I hate thinking about him. I want to cry. I want to throw up. Most of you know who I'm talking about. Does my life hold anything other than him? I hate him. WHY can't I hate him? I'm still so attached.... I need to escape him, but I don't know how.

I read over emails he sent me. IM convos that we've had. Journal entries I wrote about him. I remember everything he ever said to me. I remember sitting in the gazebo for HOURS talking to him on the phone. I remember staying after practice that one night... I remember looking at him and wanting so badly to be WITH him.

And then- NOTHING. I miss him. I keep thinking I made the wrong decision. I could still have his friendship if I had only not said anything.





I am so stupid.

Feelin': crushed

Mowe told Leslie today that she's worried about me. Two guardies asked me if I was going to kill myself. It doesn't make any sense.... I'm trying to do something good for me and my family and I get chewed out for it?

No matter what anyone says, I'm doing the right thing. It may not feel like it right now, but I have to support my family. I have to support myself. Don't give me shit about it.

I don't want any problems from the school, but I have a feeling that they might bitch a bit. Hahaha, they're all convinced that I can succeed if I just stay in school. That's not true. Because how well will I succeed if I don't have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, or food in my stomach? I won't. It's that simple.

I'm not quiting school completely... I am only taking the rest of the year off. I need that time to work, full-time. Two jobs, if necessary. Paying back everyone that we owe. You know, we have bill collectors from three different states after us? I want most of that to go away. I want it to be resolved so that my mom can finally be almost completely debt free. She's been running away too long and it's time that we take care of those things.

I know that most of you will not understand why I am doing this. I am simply doing it because I have no other choice. I am doing it because I want to do it for me and my mom. I am doing it because there is no other way...

Please try to understand before telling me, "KAILEI!!!! YOU CAN'T QUIT!!! YOU ONLY HAVE TWO YEAYS LEFT!!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO??? HOW WILL YOU LIVE??? HOW WILL YOU SUCCEED???" Please. Just listen to me. If you are screaming those questions at the computer, aiming them at me... reread this entry. Try to understand. Before you come to me and say, "You can't do this." look at my reasons. Look at what I am trying to accomplish.

I am asking for support, not drama. Don't try to change my mind, it's already done. You can't do anything.

Feelin': determined

my3perfect3world (10:58:29 PM): I would cut off all my limbs to make you happy, if I could


And the funny thing is, if it would have made her happy, then I would have done it. Is that odd? I feel like I would do that for a lot of my friends, if not all of them. Your happiness means much more to me than almost anything else.


Remind me to tell you about my day tomorrow, cause it's going to be a busy one.

Feelin': contemplative

If you want a Christmas card, leave me a comment with your address and I'll send you one. Comments are screened so no fearing that my other friends' list people will stalk you! Just me, hehe.

An actual post will come later..... maybe? I've got Geometry homework to do! (I might as well...)

Feelin': amused

The electric bill is late. The cell phone bill is over 400 dollars. Rent is overdue.



Good thing I'm not doing Indoor, right?

Feelin': aggravated

So, thank you Ashley. It made me feel a bit better that I was wrong. I'm still a little unnerved, but not nearly as bad as last night.

Whatev. I think I'm just freaking out for no reason.

So guess who didn't do her homework. Yep. Guess who's not gonna... :)

I fucking hate people. Sorry if I don't have the god damn patience to deal with your shit. It's okay to vent and rant and rave sometimes, but to completely involve me in whatever crisis you have.... I'm sorry, I can't deal with that.

You'd think, after last night, I would have smoked the rest of my pack. It didn't even occur to me to have one. Right now I have three left. I hope I can convince Mom to get me another pack. Cause I could really use it.

Feelin': anxious

I have seven cigarettes left. I think maybe it would be a good thing not to smoke so much anymore.

Smoking, followed by a heavy swig of Coke, and then a Saltine cracker tastes.... interesting. Not a bad taste.

MAYBE I DON'T WANNA CALL YOU!!! Ever thought about that? No, I didn't think so.

I cut my hair last night. Eh, sort of. It wasn't like my past haircuts that I've given myself. It was just a bit, to frame my face. It doesn't look different unless you really look for it, so pictures aren't necessary.

It could be an interesting night... or not. Hey, this is me we're talking about. My nights are never interesting.

Feelin': amused

This is my fourth cigarette in the last hour.
I don't give a fuck.

I've given it some brief thought and I have decided that I may do my homework tomorrow. Or, I might call into work and ask if they need people to work tomorrow night.

Oh yeah, for those of you who are in the loop to these things, I will not be doing Indoor this year. It's a possibility that I will not do Outdoor next year, either. That is still to be determined.

For now, I inahle and feel that burn I love so much.

Feelin': mellow